By Daisy Couture
Two of the worst crimes a film can commit — being boring and lacking substance. The Phoenician Scheme (2025) is guilty on both counts.
I am by no means a film buff. There are few directors whose portfolios I can actually recall, let alone say that I enjoy, but Wes Anderson is one of them. His movie frames decorate my bedroom walls, I can quote Max Fischer word for word (“O, R they?”), and The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) is my favourite film of all time. Perhaps that’s why memories of Anderson’s latest release still sting, almost two months post-viewing. I wanted to enjoy it. I just couldn’t.
The Phoenician Scheme is centered around Zsa-Zsa Korda (Benicio del Toro), a corrupt business magnate who plans to overhaul Phoenicia’s infrastructure via a system of canals, rail tunnels and power plants. However, Korda’s various crimes have made him the target of embittered bureaucrats, determined to bring him down. Forced to meet with his investors and persuade them to pour more money into the scheme, Korda drags his estranged, ecclesiastical daughter Liesl (Mia Threapleton) and administrative assistant Bjørn Lund (Michael Cera) along for the ride. Korda eventually decides to cover the gap, completing the Phoenician scheme but bankrupting himself in the process. The film ends with a glimpse into his new life as a restaurant owner.
Have I made it sound interesting? I tried, I really did. The plot manages to be tedious and confusing at the same time; I spent a decent majority of the film in a state of bewilderment, leaning over and plaguing my poor boyfriend (dragged out on the promise of a meal afterwards) with questions. This may well have been a shortcoming on my part, although I was relieved to hear that he too found it unnecessarily complex. What I did understand of the film sent me to sleep (figuratively, not literally). Bjørn and Liesl’s burgeoning relationship was particularly underwhelming; not only does it feel shoehorned in, but considering the pair’s approximately three romantically-charged exchanges, their eventual engagement fails to pack any kind of emotional punch. Moreover, Korda’s interactions with his various investors (which, in fairness, I quite liked) are undermined by his decision to abandon the corporate world, cover the cost of the scheme himself and open up a bistro with the remaining funds. Whilst I wouldn’t go as far as to call it an atrocious ending, it certainly fell flat.
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Unfortunately, the dialogue does nothing to help. Words and phrases seem to have been selected more due to the way they sound, as opposed to what they mean. Anderson’s films are littered with funky catchphrases and emphatic repetition, but it feels as if the characters in The Phoenician Scheme are constantly saying a whole lot of nothing. Threapleton’s utterly deadpan delivery (something I’ve seen other critics praise) gave the impression of someone who was as sick of speaking her lines as I was listening to them. Another lowlight is Korda’s “Myself, I feel very safe,” repeated in progressively unsafe situations (it’s clever because it’s ironic, you see). Myself, I feel very tired.
Even the visuals are severely lacking in comparison to past films. Style over substance can be excused, in many cases, if the style is any good. Indeed, many make the claim that Anderson’s substance is his style, and I wouldn’t necessarily disagree. However, what his latest work does is prioritise style without ensuring its quality. Anderson’s vibrant colour palettes, intricate sets and organised clutter are nowhere to be seen. Instead, it is predominantly greys and greens that permeate The Phoenician Scheme. I didn’t know eyes could get bored until now. Where is the colour? Where is the stuff? The trinkets and the knick-knacks and the bits and the pieces? This is an empty movie.
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The cast boasts a number of A-listers, including Tom Hanks, Bryan Cranston, Jeffrey Wright, Scarlett Johansson and Benedict Cumberbatch. Playing Korda’s investors and business partners, however, sees their screen time severely limited. A couple of Anderson’s ride or die regulars also pop up in cameo-esque fashion; Bill Murray as God, for example, and Willem Dafoe as…a gatekeeper? The words ‘wasted potential’ come to mind. Del Toro — a huge star in his own right — aside, it’s a shame that actors of such high calibre have been relegated to these supporting roles and bit parts.
To its credit, The Phoenician Scheme is not all bad. I enjoyed the opening sequence, in which Korda’s plane is hijacked. I enjoyed elements of the set (Marseille Bob’s, for instance). I enjoyed Del Toro’s performance, and Cera’s up to a point (if you’ve seen it, I’m sure you’re aware of the turning point that I’m referring to). It is, however, bad enough to warrant this review.
I would not recommend watching this film if you are discovering Wes Anderson for the first time; in my opinion, this movie does very little to represent his talents. For the existing fans, it’s worth a watch. Whilst I don’t think any less of Anderson as a filmmaker, I am reminded of the superiority of his earlier work. If anything positive came of this experience, it’s that I was inspired to watch Rushmore (1998) again.
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